Nowadays it is very fashionable to be a good parent. It is fashionable to care of their child, to love him, to pay attention to his feelings and views. It is fashionable to raise him not on the machine, but rather to think about what you are doing. It would seem that there is no better time in history to be a kid than now. And yet.
A large-scale study of the University of Pennsylvania showed that, despite the fact that a good parent now to be much more popular than just parent, people, no matter how hard I try, I can overcome the entire burden of their own childhood and continue to criticize children, instead of being encouraged.
On each positive phrase, addressed to his own child, the average parent has about two negative.
And what about parents that think before you say something to the child. Let's be realistic, most do not. But even if you are one of those parents who really try very hard (and you certainly one of those), you still often forget to say the child is very important.
"I'm sorry. You were right"
That's really a phrase that parents say is so difficult that you'd think she gives them physical pain. But really there are situations when the parent was wrong. And yet there are situations in which the child warned you that if you do think it will be bad, but you certainly did not listen. You got used to the fact that only you are right always.
But if not this child, as he learns that some humans are wrong too? Now he was certain that all of them are divided into those who are younger and a priori wrong, and those who are older (stronger), and hence, of rights. And their faith is so strong that children cannot get rid of it, even when they become adults. They just continue to think that they are always right, they grew. Imagine how much it bothers them in life.
And even such a simple phrase as, "You were right", teaches hundreds of very important things. It teaches the child that it is not insignificant. It can also have the right ideas.
She teaches that there is nothing humiliating to admit that the other and that this sometimes requires great courage.
She teaches that you need to listen to others. And most importantly, she teaches that you can make mistakes and the world will not collapse. Another time it will be possible to do the right thing.
"You make me feel so lucky"
In a sense this phrase is even more important than "I love you", although you can write a very long article about how rarely children hear from us and how often. And yet to love a child — in some sense your duty and even reflex. He, of course, it is important to know that you love him, but you do it automatically without thinking. The child, who is loved and knows that his love may not be able to urbanizirovan, but also realizes that loving him is your job (provided that you this work well).
But "I was lucky to have you" tells the child that you thought about him, compared, figured my options and still came to the correct conclusion: your child is the best child on earth, and you are very grateful that this child is yours. Do not hide from him.
Let him know you appreciate it not only because you have to, but because he is. List what you especially strongly impressed in it. He really is trying very hard to like you. Help him to understand what his traits especially you in love with him. He is only stronger will try to show them.
This is a great opportunity to talk with the child about what's good about them and not Vice versa, as parents usually do.
"I really like to be your parent"
Any, even the optimistic child-parent relationships, perhaps the hardest thing a person goes through. How would you then grew up strong and independent adults, your actions reflected all that has happened to you in childhood: good and bad. And the child and parent to be very difficult.
And this is the most "difficult" is often the main emotion that parents transmit to children.
For example, when sometimes (or constantly) talking with them this tired, weary "I've told you" tone. To the extent that many children grow up very confident, that raising them was very hard (which is true), and absolutely not representing myself that raising them was a pleasure.
Tell your child that he is not only a burden, problem and difficulty with which you struggle every day to cope.
Tell him that actually raise it — for you the greatest pleasure on earth. Let him know that you are pleased with it, nice to discuss problems and find solutions, what you are actually nice all that goes with it.
What actually very a lot of joy. You on one side, and not in a new cold war in which each side is trying to snatch.
You will be surprised how much easier it will be to live with your own child, when he learns that you are glad to live with it.